The Importance of Attachment Styles in Establishing Healthy Relationships
Attachment theory, founded by British psychologist, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907-1990), posits that the bond formed between a child and their early caregivers impacts and sets a precedent as to how that child will function in relationships throughout their lifetime. Attachment has been defined as “a deep and enduring emotional bond between two people in which each seeks closeness and feels more secure when in the presence of the attachment figure” (Simply Psychology).
There are four types of attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized. The latter three fall under the category of insecure attachment. As the name would suggest, the healthiest and most advantageous style is secure attachment. According to Bowlby, secure attachment is “a way of interacting in which we can create, establish, and maintain healthy relationships…People with secure attachment see the people they are close to – whom in attachment theory we often call “attachment figures” – as both a safe haven and a secure base.”
It is important to note that individuals can have a combination of two or more attachment styles. Additionally, with insight and effort, attachment styles can be altered irrespective of childhood experiences. However, doing so can be challenging and will take time given that early caregiver relationships serve as the foundations for an individual’s social and emotional development. It is difficult to unlearn deeply internalized thoughts and associated behaviors.
Unlike insecure attachment styles, which can foster fear, anxiety, reactivity, avoidance, distrust or self-loathing, a secure attachment style allows for individuals to have a positive view of both themselves and others. Secure and healthy childhood attachments cultivate feelings of safety, trust and worthiness that serve as the psychological bedrock upon which individuals build relationships throughout their adolescence and adulthood. Those with a predominantly secure attachment style are able to communicate honestly and openly with others. Additionally, these individuals can lean into their need for connection while also maintaining their independence. As a result, there is little risk for unhealthy behavioral patterns (such as enmeshment or codependence) in relationships.
The first step towards building a more secure attachment style is recognizing unhealthy relational patterns that you may be engaging in. Some questions you may want to ask yourself within the context of your relationships (romantic or otherwise) include the following:
1. Do I have inconsistent reactions?
2. Do I have difficulty connecting with others?
3. Am I comfortable with intimacy?
4. Do I have a fear of rejection or abandonment?
5. Do I have difficulty regulating my emotions?
6. Do I have a negative self-image?
7. Do I generally view others with distrust?
One of the most difficult aspects of gaining insight into your behaviors is coming to terms with your role in the unstable relationships in your life. Additionally, individual therapy would be beneficial in identifying the root of these maladaptive behaviors, as many people are unaware of how significantly early caregiver attachments impact their current relationship dynamics. Once a certain level of cognizance has been achieved, you can utilize therapy to challenge your internalized narratives in order to shift your thought patterns and emotions to a healthier baseline. In doing so, you are able to address and process attachment injuries, allowing you to approach relationships from a more secure foundation. This will lead to better bonds with others and strengthen your ability to attach in a secure way.
The Care Predictor Index is an assessment tool that aims to predict a care provider’s ability to form a strong therapeutic alliance. By assessing 24 different character traits determined necessary to create and enhance rapport, the CPI offers insight into a care provider’s areas of strength and areas of improvement. One of the 24 characteristics the CPI assesses for is attachment styles. The tool also provides feedback as to how to create more secure bonds, allowing for a better therapeutic, or working, alliance. Care providers with a prevalence of insecure attachment styles generally have more difficulty forming a strong therapeutic alliance. By utilizing suggestions and insights gleaned from their Care Predictor assessments, these individuals have the opportunity to make cognitive and behavioral changes that increase their ability to attach securely to others in both their personal and professional lives.
